I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize