a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
