her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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