we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
