Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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