i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
