The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
