just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
