forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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