Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
