her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
