I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
