goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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