his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
