My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
