we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
