somebody snuck up and got me drunk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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