someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
