Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
