why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize