They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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