i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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