so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
