ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
