Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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