He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
