I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
