What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
