Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
