he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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