I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
how drunk are you?
Several
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
