I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this beer tastes like vomit already
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
