you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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