You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize