either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Two words: blizzard sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
