I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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