how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
