i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
