k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
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