Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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