i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
