The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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