Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
