My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
