Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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