could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize