sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
