I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
