I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize