Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
