the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize