matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
