maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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