Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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