I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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