i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
