2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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