I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
