I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
