it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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