She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
