Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
