New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
