You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
