dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Screwed.edu
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
