God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
