So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
