Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
