I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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