i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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