Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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